So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think your dad took our porno
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
