Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
