And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
