fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
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