Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
