How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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