My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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