There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
