Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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