something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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