you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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