Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
