bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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