Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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