Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize