i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
