Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
