i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
