Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
