i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
