Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
