then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
