I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
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Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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