We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize