Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
