It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
