I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
