is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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