He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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