having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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