I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
