is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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