Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sober January is a disaster.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
