Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
