First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
