So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pants are for mortals
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
