hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
