and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
