I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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