she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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