Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You ate ashes out of my bong
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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