I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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