...so i touched it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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