i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
