it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
