Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
