why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
