You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
