Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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