"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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