the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
