I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
