Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
