I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You're like the curious george of whores
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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