I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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