Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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