Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
