I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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