she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
