he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
