I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
