For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
