One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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