I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
