Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
