I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
