Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
