I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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