it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
