I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
