it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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