After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
