When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
